Straw-gate 2K18

Mother Earth, ya doing great sweetie, ya doing great. We, on the other hand, haven’t been..

Now sit down a minute and let me educate you on what has been going on in the world while we have been slowly burying our heads in our phones and burying the planet.

Current Events for $500

So,, you might be hearing all of the buzz going around about Starbucks starting a movement to save all of mankind? (slight exaggeration. But forreal Starbucks just did a thing, guys.)


Starbucks has decided to take the initiative and declare to go straw-less by 2020.



Say what you will about Starbucks (and how their coffee might taste very burnt), but I’m gunna stand in my yoga pants, Ugg boots, and big sunglasses and applaud Starbs for what they are doing. Oh, CJ, so they’re getting rid of a few straws, big whoop, who cares what kind of impact can that have? Well, in 2016 IBISWorld showed that Starbucks has just under a 40% market share of the coffee industry. This number nearly doubles that of Dunkin’s. (So much for everyone running on Dunkin, aye?) Starbucks deciding to go straw-free means two things (well technically three):

  1. They will get rid of about 2.5 billion single-use straws in circulation (and by circulation I mean circulating stores AND eventually circulating the oceans, rivers, lakes, and streams of the world)
  2. They will spark environmental change in the community. This environmental act/PR stunt will encourage other companies to do the same. The whole state of Seattle has even jumped on board and is implementing a fine if an establishment doesn’t follow their single use straw bans.
  3. ((More of a business stat)) They are going to explode with sales. As a guy who doesn’t get coffee that often I can be swayed one way or another when choosing. So I’ll put my hero hat on and swing over to my local Starbucks for a nice little cold brew, hold the straw, instead of my usual Dunkin stop. Now that is a positive marketing campaign.. take notes IHOP (IHOB? Idk…)

You go Glen Cocoa! <–that pun was a stretch but, oh whale (crushed that one tho, ha)


But CJ, I haven’t had to worry about this previously.

So why is this all a big deal you say.. well picture this,, it’s 2050. Now That’s What I Call Music 125 just dropped. You and your kids, or dog, or waterproof robot friend (idk) are hitting the shores to shred the gnar and see some coral reefs and fish. Well guess what. You’re going to have a better chance of seeing a wild straw or a ferocious sea bottle instead. According to the World Economic Forum, by the year 2050 there will be more plastic in our oceans than fish if we keep up our current habits. That means we gotta start changing our ways. I love fish, might have a little disdain for stingrays (RIP in peace Stevie) but they’re still beautiful creatures.

Digest this for a second. And then read it again and reaaallyy try and understand it. 

For Heaven’s sake, we have a damn plastic island in the middle of the ocean.


TWICE THE SIZE OF TEXAS. Okay, cool,, it’s all in one spot.. So let’s stick a big colander in the Pacific Ocean and scoop it all up, right? Well.. apparently it’s not a concerning issue to some because no government agencies have stepped up to help (this is because it is in international waters, thus no country has to claim the mess) ((typical game of ‘if I can’t see you, you can’t see me. Sweet.. Go Humans.)). I digress..

Thankfully there are non-profit organizations stepping up to help clean the area before plastics degrades to a level where it cannot be extracted and permanently harms marine wild life.

Are straws the main culprit.. Short answer. No, not at all. There are tons of other objects that create more havoc to the environment than straws. Straws are an easy movement. An easy social trend to raise awareness. 5 months ago, a select few people (compared to the masses that know now) had the knowledge of what was going on, including myself. Now the flood gates are opened and more action can me taken.

Long story short, this issue can be avoided. Why clean something in the future when we can prevent it altogether. Proactive rather than reactive. Taking this tiny step to stop plastic distribution can grow exponentially. The GREEN Program had a great Instagram re-post the other day:


(@greenprogram on IG. Give them a follow)

Just think about that. If you, a single pair of hands and a beautiful mind say: “Hey, I am going to make a change and get myself a reusable water bottle and maybe a metal reusable straw for shigs.” And then 5 co-workers or class-mates do the same, and then five of their friends or family do the same. Bing. Bang. Boom. Change. Next thing you know a small subdivision has reduced its plastic footprint on the world in a few quick steps. The solution is out there people. Stop being silent. Take action. Speak out. If you don’t think its ‘cool’ to speak out just look how cool these pictures below are. Speak out to protect these cool places. ((also if you’re too cool to speak out think about Leo.. he’s pretty cool and he speaks out..))



Our beautiful planet. Let’s protect this shit.




jæja, CJ



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